Side Effects

I was in my think tank, a.k.a. the shower, and was really despising the lengthy daily ritual of a woman.  It's exhausting!  I wished that I could take a shower and be done and fully dressed in 5-7 minutes like my husband.  It's just not possible!  I'd have to shave my head and forgo the razor for any other use.  I'd never be able to moisturize my face or lotion any dry spots.  Make-up would obviously be out, along with anything yummy smelling from Bath & Body Works.  There would be no eyebrow plucking, no nail filing, no blow drying or straightening.  Brushing my teeth, flossing, and daily use of Listerine along with an occasional whitening treatment would be reduced to a quick spin around the mouth with my toothbrush.  Finally, getting dressed would go from staring at my clothes for a few minutes, selecting a first choice and examining it in front of a full length mirror from every angle with self-loathing, trying a few more options, finally going with my first choice accepting that this is as good as it gets, to simply grabbing jeans and a sweatshirt and getting on with life.

Next I was on to swimming suits.  You'd never see a woman in a water t-shirt and swim trunks that go past her knees.  Why is it that men get to cover so much up? 

Then there's stubble.  On a man's face it's ruggedly handsome.  On a woman's legs it's just gross.

Bed-head...makes a man look cute and endearing and a woman like she's off her meds.

Wrinkled clothes on a man reflect badly on his wife.  Wrinkled clothes on a woman make her look like a slob.

Do men not worry about coffee breath?  I see them talking and carrying on as if the big elephant in the room doesn't exist!  I try to never drink coffee in public.  If I do I keep my distance or apologize as if at least acknowledging that my breath stinks makes it better. 

After thinking through all of this I was singing Beyonce's, If I were a Boy...which sadly, those were the only words I knew and sang them repeatedly.  It made me wonder what men would gripe about if there was a song, If I were a Girl.  Well, maybe they wouldn't actually sing those lyrics.   I started to feel awful about my ungratefulness for my position in life.  Being a woman has so many positive aspects, it's just the side effects that I begrudge.